This is an excerpt from Tina Fey's new book. I thought it was only fitting (and hilarious), and I can't wait to read it (in it's entirety) while sitting on the beach in just a few short weeks!!! (Please excuse the profanity)--that was WAY too many () for one short paragraph. Sorry.
“First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.
May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.
When the Crystal Meth is offered, may she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.
Guide her, protect her when crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.
Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels. What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, You#$!@it.
May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.
Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen.Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long.
O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.
And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.
And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back. “My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.
I hope all the mother's out there know how loved and appreciated you are!
First things first...I turned 30 yesterday! Eek!! My wonderful husband and friends threw me a surprise party Tuesday night. It was wonderful! We had a cookout in Josh & Emily's backyard. I'm sure she'll post some pics on her blog soon!
Since yesterday was the actual day of my birth, I took the afternoon off work and hung out with Eric. We went to Cantina Laredo for lunch and spent the afternoon just hanging out. It was really fun. I didn’t have my camera with me so here are a few pics from my phone.
Ok, now onto other things. Last weekend was the “Country Music Marathon and ½ Marathon” and my good friend Brady came up, like she does every year, to run it. PS- She just had twins in September!! Can you even believe it?!? She’s a fit little momma!
Brady has been one of my best friends since college. We met our freshman year at Auburn. She is hilarious! There’s probably no one on the planet that can make me laugh harder. She’s a constant encouragement in my life. Whenever she calls, before we hang up she always asks me how she can be praying for me. I need people like her in my life.
I remember the day she called to tell me she was pregnant with her twins. Her oldest boy, Sanders, wasn’t even a year old yet. I was pregnant with Laney, therefore probably a little extra hormonal, and when she told me the news I died out laughing and sobbing crying at the same time!! It was weird mix of emotions. I knew how hard it would be to have 3 kids under the age of two, but I also knew that if anyone could handle it she could! She’s doing such a great job with those boys and is also in the running for being Laney’s future MIL. :)
Last weekend we also met up with our friends at the park. Eli was quite the funny kid. Ryan said lately he answer’s every question with “what”? So I decided I needed to ask him a lot of questions, and every time his response was, “what?” For instance…”Hey Eli, how’s that chicken?” Eli: “what?” Me: “what’s the matter? You can’t hear me?” Eli: “what?” Me: “Does your mommy need to take you to the dr to get your ears checked?” Eli: “what?”
I also got to see this little chunky monkey! Look how cute baby Olive is!! Ryan thinks she might weigh more than Laney. :)
To say that we’ve been busy would be the understatement of the year. If I could explain it to you in terms of how my house looks right now you might understand better: overgrown grass, piles of laundry, dirty dishes, dirty kitchen, dirty every room in our house, ant infestation (gross!), and I could go on…
I hate using busyness as an excuse for anything, but the old blog has had to suffer because we’ve just had other things higher on the priority list lately.
FIRST: We went to Montgomery TWICE with 4 days in Nashville in between. Thank goodness the traveling paid off: Eric got TWO JOB OFFERS!! PTL! (more on that later)
We spent Easter in Montgomery. I was really disappointed to not get to spend Easter at Rolling Hills. I LOVE EASTER AT ROLLING HILLS!!! From the Good Friday service Friday night, “Eggstravaganza” (egg hunt) on Saturday morning and of course worship on Sunday morning…I was sad to miss it all! Especially considering it would be our last Easter at RH. :( But it was good to see everyone at First Baptist Montgomery and get to worship there for Easter.
Walker and Emily came to Montgomery for the weekend, as well as Jack and his new GF, Caroline! We were all really glad to get to interrogate meet Caroline. She was super sweet and we’re all really happy for Jack.
SECOND: The packing has begun and I’m starting to have anxiety attacks. It’s no wonder I can’t keep my house clean when I have boxes piling up ever where. I took everything down off our walls last night and I got really sad. I also watched “The Office” last week when Michael Scott said goodbye and sobbed through the whole thing. Eric said, “are you REALLY this upset about him leaving the office?!?!” The answer is no, probably not, but I am sad to be leaving Nashville and all our wonderful friends here. Nashville has been good to me. It’s brought me a wonderful group of friends who love Jesus and love me. It’s where I met my sweet husband. It’s where we’ve made our first home together. It’s also where I had my first baby. We will really miss it here. I’m sure I’ll do a goodbye Nashville post soon. I’ve already started taking pictures of all my favorite places in town (you know, just in case I forget what they are ;)).
THIRD: Maxie dog got hit by a car last Thursday morning!!! We seriously thought it was the end. We always let him out the back door in the morning, and usually he tries to sneak out under the fence and walk around to the front of the house. Well, that’s what he did, and a car hit him. Eric went to the front door to let him in, and there he stood sad, wet, and in total shock. He was bleeding from his abdomen and his back leg. Eric scooped him up and brought him in the house. He went totally limp. We all stood there and cried. Eric called the vet and took Max in to see him.
I have to mention that Maxwell and I have a love/hate relationship. The dog is as sweet as he can be, but he drives me totally bonkers. With all the times he’s gotten on my nerves I NEVER wanted this to happen. I was, honestly, surprised at how upset I was at the thought of losing him.
Eric called me after a couple of hours to let me know Max was going to be fine. He just had some surface wounds and a fracture leg. We would get to bring him home that same night.
Needless to say, we have all been very kind to Maxie since he’s been home. We’re glad you’re still with us, Maxie-dog! :)
FOURTH: The Royal Wedding! Honestly, I had no idea how sucked in I would get. I didn’t wake up at 3am or anything crazy like that, but I did DVR it and watch it during Laney’s nap Friday morning. I couldn’t get enough. Cate looked BEAUTIFUL! I loved her dress, her veil, her make-up, her wave. She was stunning. My favorite part of the whole thing was the message from the Bishop of London. Here’s a brief excerpt (I don't want to bore you by posting the whole thing, you can read it in it's entirety here).
“Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire.” So said St Catherine of Siena whose festival day it is today. Marriage is intended to be a way in which man and woman help each other to become what God meant each one to be, their deepest and truest selves.
Many are full of fear for the future of the prospects of our world but the message of the celebrations in this country and far beyond its shores is the right one – this is a joyful day! It is good that people in every continent are able to share in these celebrations because this is, as every wedding day should be, a day of hope.
In a sense every wedding is a royal wedding with the bride and the groom as king and queen of creation, making a new life together so that life can flow through them into the future.”